how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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