Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
