I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
