There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
