Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
