Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so explain again why im purple
no
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
