the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
