I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
