I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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