Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
