He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
