How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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