Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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