you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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