i used baking grease as lip gloss
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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