Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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