She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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