YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
