I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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