And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
