addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
