How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
