hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
