if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?