He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
