"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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