I'm jealous of your bromance
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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