i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
