I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
