I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
