I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
