I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
