It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is Oprah even human
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
