just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
