you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
