So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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