I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
PANTIES FOUND
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