I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
