We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
