Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
