i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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