I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
