I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
