how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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