Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
