just come out here and I will go home with you...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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