I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
