Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
