I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You've changed since you got that strap on
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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