I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
