theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
