handjob tips. give me some.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
