i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
