Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
