They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
