phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
