yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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