Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
