He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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