I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
