i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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