I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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