Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
