I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
