Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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