It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
