i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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