Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
