I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
