Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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