in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
