I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize