What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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