I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
