You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
