I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
