If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
