Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
