Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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