He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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