1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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