Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So much rum. So many feels.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
