Too much gin, very little bucket
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
