i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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