so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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