... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
