Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do cheetos always look like penises
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
