dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
