I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
