i love accidental penises.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
