This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
